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Building the Family Again

July 29, 2025
by Patrick

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There is a weight on my shoulders, and I welcome it.
It’s the weight of continuing to be a father, a friend, and a former husband.
It’s the responsibility of helping rebuild what matters most to me: our family.

Heidi and I created something sacred when we brought Jackson, Catherine, Annie, and Matthew into this world.
And now, with Luke as a son-in-law and a granddaughter coming in November, our family is growing in beautiful, eternal ways.
That expansion matters deeply to me.
And so does the effort it will take to make sure I still belong.

This family started with a man and a woman who built something good.
Even though that marriage is ending, the family we built is not.
That truth has never felt clearer than it does now.

I feel called to step back in—not to the past, but to something larger.
The second half of my life is asking me to build the family again,
but this time with more honesty, more inclusion, and a deeper understanding of love.

Dan will one day be part of this family, not just mine, but ours.
Heidi may someday find someone who loves her fully, and he will be part of this family too.
And when that happens, I don’t want it to feel like we are splintering.
I want it to feel like we are expanding.
My role now is to help make that kind of love and openness the norm.

Because family dynamics will change. They always do.
And someone else in our family—one of our kids, our grandkids, our in-laws—will face something unexpected and hard.
When they do, I want them to know there’s already a pattern here.
A net of safety.
A place they can land without fear.

That has to start with someone.
And I believe it has to start with me.

I never stopped being a parent with Heidi.
The love in that space still exists and always will.
We are no longer husband and wife,
but we are still united in something sacred—our children, our history,
and the deep respect we continue to carry for one another.
I never stopped being Heidi’s friend.
She is too dear to me to ever let that friendship disappear.
It’s simply transformed into something that still matters—something strong and lasting.

I am the one who stepped out.
I am the one who changed the course of the story.
And because of that, I want to be the one who helps rewrite it,
not with shame or guilt, but with presence, responsibility, and love.

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My Legacy

I want to leave behind a legacy that says:

• You always belong here.
• There are no requirements to be loved.
• You don’t have to look or act a certain way to be family.
• We love unconditionally, and we do it out loud.

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And one day, when my life comes to its quiet end,
I want to feel the peace of knowing I rebuilt what mattered.
That I stood back up when it would’ve been easier to stay out.
That I fought for the second half of my journey with more courage than I had in the first.

I want my posterity to know I did not abandon them—I evolved for them.
I expanded the definition of love, family, and faith so they could walk more freely in their own truth when their time comes.
If I can leave that behind, then I will leave this life knowing I did what I was called to do.

I didn’t stop being a father.
I didn’t stop being family.
And I never will.

— Patrick J